The past month has been hectic, but the last couple of weeks have been brutal. I have what I guess you could call a “vampire schedule” since my natural circadian clock has me wired to sleep during the day and wide awake during the night. That sort of schedule doesn’t mesh too with the real world, so every now and then I have to crash at the normal human bed time. Last night was one of those nights. I seldom turn off everything and cocoon before midnight, but I had to do it–and I wanted to do it.
There was a struggle going on between my body saying, “Go to sleep!” and my mind fighting to stay awake. As the body was winning the war, I hear, “Roach.” It wasn’t a scream or in an excited voice, but rather more of an explanation or mild expression of disgust. Considering I live in an old house uptown with huge oak trees covering two-thirds of my home, we are actually pretty lucky with only one sneaking in every three months or so. It isn’t the smaller food-driven ones, it’s the large Palmetto water bug type that fly–and they fly very well, thank you very much. They’re big enough to make a light flutter sound. It’s horrible… just horrible.
The can of Bengal Roach Spray has been sitting around for a couple of years because with only a couple of sprays, it is almost instant death to the intruders. Thank you, Bengal, I love you! I didn’t say a word, I’m just thinking to myself that I better not go back to sleep in case it starts heading in my direction. My husband must have asked my son if he needed help because I heard him say, “No, I’ve got this.” He has traveled internationally on his own, so I know and trust the kid to be prepared and self-sufficient.
I’m still listening for voices and spraying patterns, trying to judge how close the roach is getting to me. I hear two looooong sprays, pssssssssss….pssssssssss. I stay bundled up but go ahead and ask loudly enough to be heard if the roach is heading in my direction. Thankfully, it’s not, it’s on some new blackout curtains I just bought. Okay, that’s cool, just as long as it’s not coming my way. I start to drift off comforted that all is clear. Then, I hear spraying again without any warning. Psssssssss…pss…pss…pss. Silence. Pssssssssssss….psssssssssssss. What in the hell is going on? Morse code?
Sleep isn’t happening. I lazily ask from bed if it’s heading in my direction now. My son answers in a disinterested voice that he thinks it’s actually two of them. God, I hope not. Instead of freaking out, I start thinking about roach memories. Two stick out in my mind. The first–because it’s the worst–was when I was a teenager. I was doing homework or something in my room when I happened to see a roach, which was very rare since my parents’ home was new construction and the oak tree didn’t cover the house. Anyways, I start screaming bloody murder and start running for the door, except the damn roach starts FLYING and lands on the door before I can get to it! I can recall screaming in circles like Linda Blair’s head in The Exorcist.
The other “fond” memory was when we were staying at one of our “Katrina” homes while our home was being repaired from hurricane damages. We just happened to pick up this bug zapper that’s like a tennis racket, except it has an electrified grid. I’ll never forget reading a book or something that had me distracted when I felt intense pain. My son touched me with it to see what would happen–the same one with the current roach situation. That’s okay, I still love you. Those things hurt like hell, so be careful.
Anyways, back to the roach. It was extremely late–I mean vampire prime time–when someone spotted a roach. One of my kids was willing to get close enough to it with the tennis racket zapper since we didn’t have a can of Bengal. He touches the thing with it, which should have killed it, except the thing took off, jumping two or three feet into the air and was catapulted across the room several feet. It did NOTHING to the roach. We were too horrified to move, so FrankenRoach lived to see another day.
Despite going to bed early, I still missed getting some much-needed sleep. This weekend, the yard will be sprayed, just in case I can manage getting to bed early this weekend. I hate roaches, but I love Bengal.
To follow my tweets, click here. I am excited to be recapping the new season of The Real Housewives of New York City at TVGasm.com , in addition to recapping Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding.